Decaying Hearts
by Roseau76
Summary: What does it take to make Sam realise that walking away from Andy was a stupid mistake? Set some time in the future after 3x11.


**AN- So I watched last weeks episode, and I have to say I was totally unimpressed with Sam's rather weak and flimsy reasoning for walking away from Andy. So much so, that I stopped editing my current story to let my muse vent and put things right. **

**So here's a quick one shot on what I'd like to see, because I sense there will be much more 'McSwarek Misery' to come.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue.**

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**Decaying Hearts.**

Sam missed her; they were rarely partnered together, and somehow he sensed that was Frank's doing. They still talked, just nothing too deep or meaningful. A simple hello, a complaint about a busy shift or the ever changing weather. They certainly did not talk about Jerry, their break up or the pile of her clothes she still had at his place whose scent he inhaled every so often when the loneliness became too much. Instead they talked about easy, neutral topics that don't offend, antagonise or stir up feelings of recent months.

They continue to watch one another, stealing a glance when they think the other is not looking. Both too proud to really say what was on their minds.

...

Noelle was visiting the division with her baby daughter, and everyone gathered in the parade room, waiting patiently for their turn to hold the cute little bundle all dressed in pink. Sam was there too, as Andy was always aware of his presence. She leaned in closer to Traci, blocking out his eyes which she felt were boring into the back of her skull. She noticed he had got better in recent weeks since his best friend was killed, and seemed a little happier which gave her some small consolation at his painful rejection. What she hadn't realised was that the heaviness that still remained in his chest since that night outside the penny, had now become part of him. It weighed him down, and sometimes at night he would wake up gasping for air, and desperate to breath. She herself had gone through all the stages of grief over their breakup, made harder by the fact that they worked together.

Andy dismissed those thoughts as she held Noelle's baby girl, kissing her cheeks as she rocked her in her arms.

Sam watched Andy, blissfully content with the other female officers as they "oohed" and "aahed" over the baby. It gave him a warm feeling inside watching one of his closest friends become a mother for the first time. He felt better recently and wasn't as angry as before although at times he still simmered at the loss which gnawed away at his insides. He no longer frowned, and had stopped lashing out and snarling when people asked him how he was doing. He even smiled once or twice, especially as he watched Andy with the baby. He was much calmer these days too, all things considered.

_That was until the following morning. _

Andy strolled into parade, making her way to the front of the room, her chair as always next to Traci. She kissed her on the cheek, and Traci smiled back, the light was finally beginning to re-appear in her best friends eyes. Sam stared at Andy some more; there was something different about her since yesterday, something had changed. He couldn't quite pin point what it was, but the feelings it evoked inside him didn't bode well. Sam gave her one last glance before turning his attention back to Frank who was assigning duties and updating the officers on any news.

They were finally dismissed and whilst Traci stayed behind to talk with one of the detectives, Andy strolled towards the door, her single braid bobbing as she walked. She hummed softly to herself as she played with her cellphone, a small smile passing over her face. Leaning against the wall Sam watched her, but quickly averted his eyes away from hers as she looked in his direction. Sam pushed himself off the wall and walked briskly behind her, just wanting to keep her in view. She turned left along the corridor heading towards the coffee station.

"Hey," Sam offered, side stepping closer to her. Andy smiled tightly filling her cup and his own with coffee. She added plenty of creamer and sugar to her own before she sipped her drink slowly.

Sam looked at her expectantly. "So...looks like we're both on desk duty?"

"I guess we are," Andy replied, talking another mouthful of coffee.

She didn't say anything else, and snagged a cookie from a large tin that someone has brought back from their recent holidays.

"Well technically we're on paper duty. Frank says he wants us to go through those files," Sam commented, pointing at two large boxes on the floor and several stacks of paper on the desk.

Andy nodded impassively.

"He wants us to see if we can find any links to the spate of burglaries across the division."

"Yes I know. I was there, Swarek," Andy strained, mildly irritated. "Remember?"

_Swarek?_

Walking away Andy set her cup down on one of the desks, and pulled out a chair to take a seat. She was sorting through the papers making various piles, that seemed to make sense to only her. Andy never spoke, just sipped her coffee and hummed quietly to herself. Sam sat at the desk facing her, trying not to let his eyes linger too long on her lips.

They worked in silence for a while.

"So anything new with you?" He asked casually as he furrowed his brows at her.

Andy did not look up, and stilled momentarily.

"Nope. Not really," she replied as she continued to sort through more files.

Sam continued to stare her down, and for a fleeting moment she wanted to stare right back. Andy wanted to stare into his deep brown eyes that could make her feel a million emotions all at once. But she kept her head down instead. They were not together any more, he made that abundantly clear in the parking lot outside the penny.

Sam watched her face, and with very little make-up Andy still managed to take his breath away. Her skin looked smooth, and she had recently shaped her eyebrows; Sam was observant about things like that. He also noticed that her hair had more volume than usual, and had a slight wave like when he used to repeatedly run his hands through it. Andy used to comment that she didn't need to use any hair products when he did that.

His throat suddenly felt very dry.

Andy had barely spoken to him and more importantly someone had been running their hands through her hair. The images his brain began to conjure up was making the bile creep up his throat at an alarming rate.

He suddenly felt sick.

Sam blinked several times in quick succession, realisation dawning on him. Andy had met somebody. Another man.

He continued to stare as he tensed his jaw. Insanely jealous that someone was touching her.

_Loving her._

Andy sighed heavily, feeling scrutinised under his gaze. "Are you going to work today? What's wrong with you?"

_Stop looking at me like that was what she really wanted to say. Don't you know what you do to me?_

Sam dropped his head to his work and began randomly shuffling papers in no particular order. Andy could sense the atmosphere had changed but she wouldn't ask why, there was no point. Communication was not Sam's strong point, and she had stopped caring. Well...not stopped caring per se, but had realised Sam was inept at talking about his emotions. Shaking her head briefly, she blew an air of frustration out through her nose.

They continued to work in silence, until her cellphone vibrated for an incoming text message. She flicked open her phone and read the screen before laughing softly to herself, before firing a text back.

Sam leaned back in his chair, flexing his neck from left to right as he watched her eagerly awaiting a reply from the mysterious sender.

"Who is he?" Sam asked roughly as he threw a pile of papers on the desk. "Is it somebody I know?"

He felt sick, but he needed to hear it.

"I don't know what you are talking about. Why are..." she didn't finish her statement, unnerved by the look in his eye.

"Is it Callaghan?" His voice was low, and seemed to have dropped several octaves.

She simply stared at him, dumbfounded.

"Well?"

Andy snapped out of her daze. "Who I see has nothing to do you with you."

She stood up abruptly, meaning to walk away and not let him see how his words had effected her. She walked back towards the coffee station trying to create some well needed space but he followed in hot pursuit.

"So I know him?" Sam asked, although it was more of a statement than a question, already sure of the answer.

Andy moved away from him, internally groaning as he continued to follow, but did not answer. Opting to walk in the opposite direction towards the locker room.

"Nice to see you've moved on so soon," he said much harsher than he intended.

Something in her chest ached and fractured at those words.

"What did you want me to do Sam? I had two options, drink myself senseless every night like my dad or get on with my life without you," she hissed.

She stopped and looked at him properly. He looked haggard. A little broken, sad.

"This is what you wanted Sam, you chose to walk away," she said softly.

It was too much for Sam and her words cut his already bruised heart like a knife. He grabbed her arm and dragged her into an empty interrogation room, backing her body firmly against its door as he slammed it closed behind them. His behaviour startled her.

Sam faced her, pressing his chest against her own so closely that he could feel her heart beating rapidly.

"So you like this guy?"

Andy fought the tears that were threatening to fall before she responded honestly. "We've been out a few times. He's interested in me, is open with his feelings and doesn't walk away at the first obstacle." She couldn't resist that last dig at him. "That's what I really like about him, the fact that he communicates."

Sam didn't rise to the bait and watched her, their breathes had slowed down and were in perfect sync.

"And no, you don't know him..." She was unable to finish the sentence as Sam brushed his nose against hers, never once losing eye contact.

_Oh..._

She wanted to return the gesture but stood firm, trying to reign in her emotions. "David's a nice guy..."

"I'm a nice guy." Sam's voice sounded strange.

He was standing so close, that Andy could feel every plane of his firm body. All she wanted to do was touch him, feel him one more time. He pressed himself closer and Andy placed a hand on his chest to stop him. Sam covered her hand with his own, causing her to close her eyes and swallow harshly. She tried so desperately to avoid this confrontation but there was really no way out of it now.

"What do you want from me, Sam?"

Sam suddenly realised that he had given no real thought to what he was about to say. At a loss for words, he moved his hands and tightened his grip on both of her forearms, brushing his thumbs against the material of her uniform shirt.

He took in a shallow breath of air and looked pained as he finally admitted his secret. "I can't get through a day without needing to see you. I try to find ways to hear your voice and talk to you. I don't know if it's worse now because that has been taken way from me or…" he shakes his head, his tongue suddenly felt too large for his mouth.

They stared at one another, at a loss for what to say, both acutely aware that her phone was vibrating. Andy allowed her hand to fall into her trouser pocket, wrapping her fingers around her phone. David had texted her several times everyday since they started hanging out, and holding the device reminded her of that. It reminded her that David liked her, communicated with her and was open. He was almost everything she wanted in a man, and if she closed her eyes when he kissed her and the light was at a certain angle he looked and felt like Sam. And when David stroked her hair, if she closed her eyes she was transported to the times Sam had soothed her in the same way and helped her to sleep.

The phone vibrated once more. "Don't answer it," Sam said desperately.

…

Sam told her he couldn't be a cop and be with her. Andy didn't know how to be a cop without him. She needed him, but that would pass as long as she stuck it out with David.

_Fake it till you make it, right?_

"I'm sorry, Andy," he choked. "I'm sorry for being a jerk."

Andy laughed bitterly.

"I want to be the one to hold your hand, to sleep beside you... to run my fingers through your hair and tell you that things are going to be alright. Me, not him."

"Why are you being so open with me all of a sudden?" Andy asked without hesitation.

"Because I know what it feels like to lose you," Sam admitted. "And I can't ever let that happen again."

And then, the unexpected happened.

Sam pressed his lips against her own, and kissed her gently.

Andy gasped and could not help the shiver that rippled through her body.

"Sam," she breathed.

"Don't see him again," Sam pleaded. "Tell him it's over."

Andy let out a shaky breath. "And what if you wake up one day and don't want this no more?"

Sam took the time to brush a few stray hairs away from her face before he moved his hand around the back of her neck, gently pulling her close enough that she could rest her forehead against his.

"I want this. I love you Andy. I acted like a jerk because I didn't know how to handle those feelings."

"And you do now?"

"No," he laughed dryly, "I still don't have a clue, but we can work at it together. You and me."

When Andy looked up and her eyes met his, she saw that his face had softened but the love was there. She released her grip of the phone in her pocket and pressed her lips against his, closing her eyes as the kiss intensified. And for the first time in weeks, she doesn't close her eyes to imagine someone else who almost looks like Sam, feels like Sam and tastes likes Sam.

She doesn't need to do that because the man who captured her heart in an alley way a few years ago, was right there and loved her as much as she loved him.


End file.
